


heaven help a fool who falls in love

by solxtos



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Hasegawa Langa is Bad at Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Hasegawa Langa, langa is too filled with love, read at ur own risk, tags are vague to avoid spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-24 11:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solxtos/pseuds/solxtos
Summary: Langa was unable to keep the smile from off his face as he stared at the back of Reki’s head longingly, his eyes softening.  He didn’t want to ruin this. To ruin the carefree dynamic void of any emotional baggage. Just them against the world with nothing in between.Langa learns what it means to love.TW// references to s*icide (edited)
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 43
Kudos: 188





	1. oh, ophelia

He was beautiful.

The tender moonlight seemed to set itself aflame on his skin, accentuating the pure delight ridden on his face. His eyes were wide with pleasure, as if they contained a lifetime’s worth of ecstasy in that one moment. His hair seemed a shade lighter, the luminescence complimenting the red.

Reki cried triumphantly as his skateboard connected smoothly with the cement, cheeks flushed with excitement.

"Langa, please tell me you recorded that!" he exclaimed with eyes wide with disbelief, pride flashing between them. Yet the moment was short lived as he promptly tripped over his own feet, sending himself face first into the ground. Langa stifled a laugh as he extended a hand to help, pulling him back to his feet.

Reki, oblivious to the print of sidewalk on his cheek, beamed from cheek to cheek while rocking on his heels excitedly. “That fall doesn’t count, okay? I tripped a good three seconds after I landed it, so the jump was valid, right? Right?”

His voice caught in his throat as he stared at his own feet. “…Yeah. Yeah, it doesn’t count.”

Reki’s eyes lit up as he punched the air in victory. “God, I can’t wait to see MIYA’s face when I land this in front of him. He’ll be near tears, just you wait.”

Reki went on to name every skater they knew and how their jaws would drop to the floor, waving his hands around excitedly. Langa’s lips parted as he traced Reki’s eyes with his own in wonder, marveling at the beautiful life force he’d been lucky enough to call a friend.

That was a lie.

A lie born from fear but a lie nonetheless. It was a lie that made him feel safe, far, far away from the unsightly emotions he refused to acknowledge. But in moments like these, they crawled through the cracks of Langa’s resolve, the longing encasing his senses. It was always on the tip of his tongue, on the surface of his skin. It itched whenever he heard him call his name, or when he’d casually slide his arm around his shoulder, skin against skin. It was omnipresent and Langa couldn’t fathom how he lived without it.

“Langa? What’re you looking at me for?” Reki asked, his skateboard wedged under his arm. The happiness from managing the jump lingered in his tone, the adrenaline still present. “The manager’s closing shop soon so we got to hurry. Unless you changed your mind about me fixing your wheels.”

Langa, mouth still half open, blinked twice. “Oh…yeah. Okay.”

Reki quirked an eyebrow curiously but said nothing, accustomed to Langa spacing out from time to time. “Whoever gets there first buys the other lunch for a week!” Reki shouted as he mounted his skateboard and pushed off, whooping happily.

Langa grinned and mounted his in turn, unable to keep the smile from off his face as he stared at the back of Reki’s head. His heart ached bitterly, pangs of desire adorning each beat.

He didn’t want to ruin this. To ruin the carefree dynamic void of any emotional baggage, just them against the world. Why would he? Was any risk worth losing what they had?

“If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards, Langa! The lunch won’t taste good if I win this easy, c’mon.” Reki yelled endearingly over his shoulder.

Reki slowed his pace to let Langa catch up, now cruising side by side. He then reached over to grab Langa's hand, grasping it tightly in his own.

"You aren't afraid of crashing, are you?" Reki murmured, with a note of worry at the end, "Don't worry, I know my way around here easy. If the dark's a little scary, I'll hold your hand for you. If you want.

Langa's fingertips tingled intensely, warmth spreading from the pads of his hand to his palm. He suppressed a shiver at the touch and recoiled from Reki, withdrawing his hand hesitantly.

Frowning, Langa muttered, "I'm not afraid of the dark, Reki."

The remnants of Reki's touch still tickled his fingertips guiltily, a sensation he had no right to feel. It wasn't fair to Reki.

 _This is enough._ Langa thought to himself as he drifted adjacent to Reki, _As long as I’m by his side, I’m happy._

That was another lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next and last chapter will be much longer than this one, this is mostly just an exposition of what's to come. i thought a cute little pining chapter would be nice instead of having one big chapter all squished together :)


	2. heaven help a fool who falls in love

_Reki? Reki, where’d you go?_

Saying S was busy was the understatement of the century. There wasn’t an inch of ground without someone on it as large groups of people eagerly awaited the finals. Fancy cars were honking their way through the crowd, desperate to find a good spot to watch it.

The sound of overlapping conversations and boards hitting the dirt was loud to say the least, Langa could barely hear his own voice.

He strode over to a group of teens all hunched over on the ground, doing a quick once over of each of their faces. _Not here either._

“Excuse me, have you seen a redhead around here? About this tall,” Langa said, his hand hovering around Reki’s height, “With a solid blue bandana.”

They shook their head and Langa quickly turned on his heels and left, before any of them had the time to recognize his face.

Langa had almost given himself whiplash from the number of times he turned his head suddenly whenever he saw the color red. He eavesdropped on people who sounded like him and followed people who looked like him frantically, his nerves almost completely shot. But Reki was nowhere to be found.

His beef with Adam was in an hour and people were already calling it ‘the biggest skateboard event of the century’, the undefeated rookie vs the undefeated champion. Everywhere Langa went, people were quick to congratulate him and crowd him eager for a good look at his face. But all the praise felt empty to Langa, bouncing right off of him meaninglessly.

What he really wanted was just to talk to his best friend. He could still hear Joe’s advice echoing in his head, engraving itself deep.

He had to tell him.

He couldn’t keep pushing his feelings down. It was constant pain that never left him, a pain that time would not heal. Langa was drowning in his own heart, its contents overflowing dangerously.

He wanted nothing more but to see him, to touch him, _to love him._ He wanted his heart to beat once more, having gone silent for days. He couldn’t keep lying to him. 

If Reki didn’t feel the same way, that was alright. He’d rather learn to live with gentle rejection than suppressing the way he felt. After all, it was Reki. It would be alright as long as it was them. The words sat precariously on the tip of his tongue, threatening to leave every time Langa laid eyes on someone who looked even slightly like Reki.

_I love you. So much._

“Langa, can’t you hear me? Langa!”

Langa flinched at the sudden call and surveyed his surroundings for the source of the voice. Suddenly, someone pulled on his jacket from the back, pulling him backwards with a yelp.

Miya’s eyebrows were knitted together in frustration and he released his grip. “Where have you _been_?” Miya exclaimed loudly, causing the people nearby to turn their heads in confusion, “If you’re trying to miss the beef, you’re doing a pretty damn good job at it.”

Langa blinked bewildered and eyed his watch. 12:30 am. _He’s right. It’s been an hour already?_

“I…need to find Reki. Can we skate after I’ve found Reki?” he probed in a pleading tone.

MIYA placed his hands on his hips and sighed, looking at Langa with pity. “Look, I get that you want to see him. We all do. But Reki can wait, Adam can’t. You do still want to beef against Adam, don’t you?"

Langa fiddled with his hands and stared at the ground. The words lodged themselves in his throat, refusing to be said. A wave of shame washed over Langa. Because he did still want to beef against Adam. His heart seemed to restart itself at the mention of it, beating enthusiastically imagining a beef with him.

Miya picked up on Langa’s hesitation and gently hooked his arm around Langa’s, slowly easing him towards the start line. “Reki will be fine, Langa. You can always find him after this, right?”

Langa bit his lip and nodded while trying to ignore his heart throbbing in excitement.

_I’ll tell him after. He’ll be so happy if I win against Adam, I just know it._

* * *

“To Langa’s victory against Adam!” Joe cried as he clinked glasses with Miya and Langa before downing his own glass, chuckling. “That’s apple cider, by the way. I don’t plan on ending the night for supplying minors with alcohol.”

There were all in Joe’s restaurant, celebrating Langa’s victory against Adam. A neon pink trophy shaped like the letter S stood on the counter, gleaming under the ceiling light.

Shadow was wasted, spooning cold spaghetti into his mouth while lamenting his own personal loss. Cherry was nowhere to be seen but Langa hadn’t noticed his absence, still high on his win against Adam. He could still feel the board under his feet as he cruised past the finish line, the sensation lingering on his soles. It was the best day of his life.

“Now, now, I hope you don’t let this get to your head, Langa,” Joe hummed as he poured himself another glass, “Just so you know, next beef will be different. I won’t underestimate your strength again, Langa.”

He ruffled Langa’s hair caringly and took a sip of his wine with his free hand. Miya smirked to himself and brought his phone to his ear mockingly, “Stop flirting with Langa, old man. I can’t wait till Cherry hears about this, I wonder what he’ll say.”

Joe blinked in confusion and jolted forward, making a move to snatch the phone from Miya’s hand but Miya pulled it just out of reach. “Don’t go starting trouble, brat. Gimme the phone.”

“Make me.”

Joe smirked at the challenge and slid over the counter just as Miya turned on his heels to run. Langa watched distantly as Joe lunged to tackle the kid and missed, tumbling into a bookshelf. He scratched his face absently with a blank expression as if he was in deep thought.

_Something doesn’t feel right. Something’s missing._

As if on cue, Langa’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He reached for it and brought it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Langa, thank god. I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.”

Langa frowned, raising his eyebrows in confusion. Cherry’s voice was strained and quiet, as if he was in a library. There was the hint of something Langa couldn’t quite place, situated somewhere between pity and sadness. Joe caught Miya and was now tickling him senseless. Miya shrieked and doubled over in laughter, clutching his stomach.

“Cherry, where have yo—”

“Langa, I need you to listen to me, okay?” Cherry pressured, slightly out of breath, “Reki’s gone missing.”

* * *

Eight days. Eight days and not a hint nor trace of Reki. Cherry was working the police thin trying to find him, but his connections only worked so well. By the sixth day of nonstop searches, the police force relented. Less men were involved in the search and updates on the case became rare.

“Not giving up, just pacing ourselves.” they said but Langa, so used to telling lies, knew what one sounded like.

He was at Reki’s house on the ninth day, visiting Reki’s family. He visited every single day at exactly noon to give direct updates on the search and Reki’s sisters began to expect his visits eagerly, not only for news but for his company as well.

Reki's sisters always had smiles on their faces when Langa visited but he could tell that it took every ounce of their self control to maintain it. They'd never gone more than three days without seeing their older brother and it was starting to get to his family, tormented by the thought of him never coming home.

As for Langa, he wasn’t doing too well. He didn’t care about much these days. Like showering and eating. Skateboarding. Himself. It all seemed irrelevant compared to the investigation, which had become the center point of his life. He couldn’t even sleep at night, pangs of guilt systematically keeping him awake.

“Langa, we’ll find him.”

“He’ll be home any day now, just you wait.”

_Just find him. Don’t talk about finding him and how’ll you’ll definitely find him. Find him._

“Langa-kun, you’re so funny. Your face is all scrunched up like a raisin.” Nanaka giggled, her eyes wide with amusement.

Langa was in Reki’s backyard with one of his little sisters. She was standing upright on one of Reki’s old skateboards, barely managing to not fall over. There were bruises all over her knees and her hair had bits of leaves and dirt, but she looked happy. Happy for the first time in awhile. The sight warmed Langa’s heart.

He rubbed her hair affectionately and adjusted her footing on the board, spreading her feet apart. “There you go. Balance is really impo—”

A woman’s scream came from inside the house, soon following by a shrill, more high-pitched wail. Langa flinched at the sound and gazed in the direction of the noise, his eyes narrowing. Nanaka whimpered at his side, now clutching her mini board to her chest.

“It’s alright. Your mom probably found a bug in her food or something.” he smiled softly, “Want to go check?”

“Yes, please.”

Her hands trembled faintly and her grip on the board relented, slowly slipping out of her hands. Langa’s eyes softened as he reached for her hand, intertwining it in his. “Everything’s fine, you’ll see. It’s bug season anyways, there’s nothing to worry about.” he said soothingly, “Here, I’ll even hold your hand if you’re scared.”

Nanaka giggled softly and squeezed Langa’s hand. “Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. I just got really cold for a second, like someone dropped ice down my back. It was scary.”

“That used to happen to me all the time back when I snowboarded. My dad used to drop snow down my shirt when I accidentally left him behind.”

“No way! Brrr, you must have been freezing.”

“I was.”

She glided open the sliding door, “You should take me n’ Reki to Cadana one day. I think I’d like snowboarding.”

“You mean Canada.” Langa corrected, “And I’d love to.”

Nanaka’s face lit up as she punched the air triumphantly, “Really? Gosh, I can’t wait to try poutine. And that sweet stuff you were talking about. Reki loves sweet stuff.”

A smile tugged on the edges of Langa’s lips. She reminded him of Reki, in her mannerisms and way of talking. Langa wistfully thought back to the last time he’d seen Reki like this, on that one day at the beach. It seemed so far away now, as if years had passed.

 _I really want to see you, Reki._ Langa thought longingly. It had been so long.

Nanaka hummed cheerfully as she took a step into the house, almost stepping on her mother on her knees near the entrance. Her face was in her hands and her entire body trembled violently, as if she was in physical pain.

Reki’s two other sisters were next to her, tears streaming down their face silently as they hugged their knees. Nanaka's twin was hyperventilating into her lap, taking rugged breaths with difficulty. 

“My poor boy, my poor, poor boy.” his mother moaned, her voice shaky with grief, “You must have been so scared." Her words were nearly incomprehensible, slurred with cries and sudden gulps of air.

Nanaka’s eyes darkened as she dropped her skateboard with a thud. “What…happened? What’s wrong, Langa, what’s wrong with them?” she pleaded, nudging Langa frantically. “What’re you doing on the ground, Mama?”

But Langa did not answer. His throat was obstructed, prohibiting him from producing sound. Every nerve in his body seemed to spontaneously ignite, loathing the creeping premonition he couldn’t repress.

Langa fought a rising panic as he squeezed Nanaka’s hand tensely, so hard that she cried out in pain. She yanked her hand from Langa's grip and hysterically looked between her siblings and mother.

“Where’s big brother?”

* * *

“Autopsy’s designating it as cerebral hypoxia, officially.” Cherry shuffled a few pieces of paperwork in his hands while speaking faintly. “They said they’ll be able to disclose the exact time and place, but it might be a while.”

Cherry was leaning against a support beam outside the morgue. It was near midnight, so Carla was on to provide light, basking him in a soft pink hue.

”They found him near the western port, at the bottom of the river.” Cherry continued quietly, unsure if he was being listened to, “I...”

Cherry’s voice finally broke as he forced his eyes shut, afraid that someone would be able to see the tears swimming there. He never did know how to deal with loss.

“…His family’s the only one allowed to see him, Langa. There’s nothing I can do about that, I’m sorry.” Cherry murmured, his voice tight with guilt, “I…don’t think you want to see him anyways. Or what was left of him.”

Langa was invisible. He sunk into a corner in between two walls, hugging his knees tightly. He made no sign to have heard Cherry, or that he even knew Cherry was there. He mutely stared at Carla’s light, distantly admiring its pretty color.

“Cherry, leave the boy alone.” Joe sauntered over to where the two were, with Miya clinging to his leg. Miya’s eyes were red like he just cried, his face flushed and worn. “He needs time, which is one of the only things we can actually give him.”

Cherry tried to suppress the surge of relief that washed over him at the sight of his lover. He was no good at consoling people and he rambled needlessly, making it worse.

Joe, noticing Cherry’s discomfort, turned to face Langa. He gently eased Miya off his leg and knelt in from of Langa, his eyes softening sympathetically. He was the only one who knew just how much Langa had loved Reki and his heart panged for the boy, this was not something that would heal easy, if not ever. 

He opened his mouth to comfort him before receiving a small kick from Cherry. He cursed under his breath and he looked up at Cherry with confusion. “What was that for? I didn— oh. _Oh.”_

Joe looked from Cherry to Langa and back at Cherry. _“_ You didn’t tell him. Did you?”

Langa shivered and finally brought his face from out of his knees, looking at Joe oddly. They could now see his eyes clearly, undeniably hollow. The blue of his iris had faded to grey, and his skin was to match, sickly in its lack of color. His lips were chapped and there was dirt under his nails.

“What did you not tell him?” Miya solicited, his voice weak from wear. “Joe?”

Cherry placed a hand on his temple to massage his head, looking at Joe helplessly.

“His death wasn’t…it wasn’t an accident.” Joe murmured, closing his eyes resignedly, “It was ruled as an intentional death.”

Miya quietly began to weep anew, his fists balled at his side. Cherry stood up and enveloped him in an embrace, Miya burying his face in Cherry's kimono. Joe brought out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it to read its contents. “Approximate time of death from the saturation of the lung tissue: 12:54 am, thirteen days ago.” Joe hesitated and glanced at Cherry before adding, “Cause of death: suicide by drowning.”

The day he skated against Adam. At 12:54 am, thirteen days ago, he was having the time of his life. He’d never laughed as much as he had that day as he won the finals, revelling in his victory. It was the best day of his life.

The world seemed to cave in. The walls seemed closer, the air thicker. Cherry and Joe’s voice melted into radio static and his vision tunneled, leaving only the front door of the morgue. He’d been _happy._ He had been partying and rejoicing and smiling while Reki threw himself into a river.

Langa was in a complete state of panic.

He _chose_ not to keep looking for him, he _chose_ to skate instead. He chose his own pleasure over Reki’s life. Reki had always been there for him, he gave him a reason to be happy again. Yet in the one moment Reki needed him, he was off drinking apple cider at a party.

Langa’s heart, immobile for 13 days, began to slowly rip itself apart from the inside out. Both Reki and Langa’s hearts ceased to beat in tandem, one in death and one in sorrow. And Langa was sure his would never beat again.

_I never got to tell him my feelings. I never got to…_

Joe roughly grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him to bring him back to his senses. “Breathe, Langa. I know it hurts but please, take a deep breath.” he yelled, his voice thick with fear.

Langa hadn’t even noticed he had stood up, tears profusely streaming down his face. He slowly brought his hands to his face to touch the tears peculiarly, as if he could not believe they were real.

 _I wonder if Reki cried before he died._ Langa winced at the thought. He probably did.

Was he scared? What was he thinking of before he killed himself, _who_ was he thinking about? Langa bit his lip forcibly, drawing blood.

“You better not be thinking any of this is your fault.” Miya spat between cries, slurring his words. “Because it’s not.”

Miya hesitated before adding, “I’m sorry…you didn’t get to talk. I shouldn’t have told you it could wait that day. I didn’t know he’d…I didn’t think he would…” Miya trailed off, unable to articulate it.

 _It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I made him feel that way._ is what he wanted to say but he couldn’t find the words.

He could never speak again, not with the fragments of his heart jammed in his throat. The more he forced himself to talk, the deeper the pieces dug.

It was almost comical. He hadn’t been able to say the words he wanted and now he couldn’t say anything again, condemned to an eternity of muteness. Yet oddly enough, the thought of being mute put Langa at peace. Like twisted contrition to ease his burden just a bit.

Langa craned his head upwards, staring at the moon distantly.

 _I lov_ — _loved?_ Langa thought to himself distantly as he sobbed into the palms of his hands. _I loved you, Reki._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry but i really liked the song ophelia by the Lumineers and had inspo to write something like this. plus, when i said 'love confessions', i never said he'd be alive to hear it ;). 
> 
> i'm just realizing this but my entire account really is a cry for help i need to write some tooth rotting fluff after this bc it is so dark 😭.


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